🖋 The Thorned Quill
From the Ink & Thorn Studio, somewhere in Grimmveil
The Road to Oz - Retelling
Written by L. Frank Baum, 1909
↪ A Grimmveil Fairytale
So Dorothy thinks she’s finally had enough Oz adventures. Cute. Adorable. Hilariously wrong. Because Oz is like that one relative who shows up uninvited and refuses to leave. Just when she’s settling into Kansas life, a pair of mysterious, completely polite talking girls named Button-Bright and the annoying but somehow lovable Shaggy Man show up. And yes, of course they need her. Of course the road is dangerous. Of course she can’t say no.
The road itself? Not a road, actually. More like a testing ground wrapped in rainbow wallpaper. It bends. It twists. It occasionally vanishes entirely. Dorothy and friends walk, skip, and occasionally argue across fields where the rules are polite but deadly. Talking animals, grumpy guardians, magical things that smile while subtly threatening death—they are everywhere. And no, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve read this story.
Along the way, Dorothy collects more companions because Oz loves hoarding humans like souvenirs. There’s the Cowardly Lion, still trying to convince himself he has courage. The Tin Woodman, still worrying about a heart that ticks louder than any sense. And the Scarecrow, still suspiciously good at everything. Yes, it is exhausting, but Dorothy just sighs and keeps walking. She has a way of managing chaos that most adults only dream about.
They encounter the Nome King’s minions, who are rude and literally want to eat them. Clever, polite, cruel. Standard Oz. Dorothy negotiates. Or rather, she forces them to reconsider their life choices with persistence and glare. Works every time. Confidence and sass, my dears, will get you farther than magic most days.
Finally, after enough trials to make a grown-up cry, they reach the Emerald City. The city sparkles, yes, but don’t let it fool you. Power still hums beneath the emerald streets. Ozma is waiting, poised, imperious, and yes, probably judging everyone’s walking posture. Dorothy is exhausted, mildly annoyed, and entirely correct that all of this could have been avoided if Oz ever communicated like a civilized realm.
She doesn’t stay. She never really stays. She waves, she thanks, she shakes her head at the absurdity, and she goes home. Kansas. Dust, chores, real stakes, but at least it doesn’t try to swallow her if she blinks the wrong way.
Oz remains behind her, perfect, poised, and a little hungry for the next idiot who thinks they can navigate its roads without trouble.
Side Notes from the Thorned Quill
- The Road to Oz is less about getting there and more about surviving everything that gets in your way.
- Dorothy is a master of annoyance management and subtle intimidation. Don’t underestimate the glare.
- Oz is polite. It is cruel. It is exactly as it wants to be.
- Going home is still the bravest act, because leaving a perfect illusion takes courage most cannot summon.
